strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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