he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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