please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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