need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
