Where is the hickey?
farters have to be the big spoon...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
