This girl is more easily done than said...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
