He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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