I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
