UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
