I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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