You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
