i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
