Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
