I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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