he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
