her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
