I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
