no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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