I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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