glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You're like the curious george of whores
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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