Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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