Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
