we're blogging at a bar
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My first STD was from a foam party
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
