1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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