why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
