Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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