youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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