dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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