I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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