I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
