My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize