Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
