My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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