Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
