did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
