Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize