How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
