Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
