I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
