Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
