im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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