my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Send help, water and tortillas.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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