If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
