I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
