It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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