wrigley field is MILF paradise
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
