I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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