Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
