My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
