I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
