i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
