I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
