Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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