i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
