i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
