Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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