you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
