Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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