This is not my ceiling
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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