Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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