I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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