you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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