What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
