if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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