She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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