Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
