One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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