I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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