what if every blade of grass was a penis?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
