So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
