Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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