My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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