We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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