gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
