After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize